e stopped believing
in the tooth fairy and
Father Christmas
W decades ago, but there’s
one myth many women
still hang on to: if you kiss enough
frogs, you’ll find your prince. Which is
why controversial new book, Marry
Him: The Case For Settling For Mr
Good Enough – released on 4 February
– has provoked outrage not seen since
Newsweek reported in 1986 that
“a 40-year-old single woman was
more likely to be killed by a terrorist
than to ever marry”.
In her new book, author Lori
Gottlieb, 42, argues that women
need to abandon the fairytale idea
of holding on for the elusive ‘One’.
“My advice is this: Settle!” asserts
Gottlieb. “That’s right. Don’t worry
about passion or intense connection.
Don’t nix a man based on his
annoying habit of yelling ‘Bravo!’
in movie theatres.”
If that wasn’t a hard-enough pill to
swallow, Gottlieb continues that once
you’ve hit 30 you should give up hope
of ever finding the man of your dreams;
that it’s important to settle for a man
you might have written off in your
20s, or you’ll be consigned to a life
of loneliness and yearning. So instead
of aiming for a man who’s 10 out of 10,
����WWW�STYLIST�CO�UK
ONE DAY YOUR
PRINCE
WON’T COME
Forget great expectations and meeting the man of your dreams –
a female author says if you’re 30 and single you should settle for second best.
Stylist examines the tug of love between practicality and romance
WORDS: HELEN BOWNASS
go for a seven or eight – especially
as, according to Gottlieb, romantic love
won’t translate into a successful
marriage or long-term partnership
anyway. “Marriage isn’t a passion-fest;
it’s a partnership formed to run a very
small, mundane and often boring
non-profit business.” It might be worth
pointing out at this stage, that despite
Gottlieb’s strong opinions, she is still
yet to find a partner herself.
Searching for a ‘dependable’
man to spend the rest of your days
with is of course anti-romance and
pro-practicality. But then there
are things to consider. First there’s
the time it takes to find him.
We work the longest hours in Europe,
extending our days further with
tiresome commutes (the average
distance travelled has risen nearly 20%
in the past 10 years), making squeezing
in soulmate searching increasingly
tough. Add to that the closing window
of having a family – a recent study
shows women have only 12% of
their eggs left when they hit their
30th birthday.
Marriage even promises to boost
our bank balances in the near future.
The Pew Research Center in the
US has found that getting married
increases your earning power. Basing
their research on women aged
“Once you’ve hit 30 you should
give up hope of ever finding the man
of your dreams and settle”
between 30 and 44, they found
that on average, unmarried women
earn approximately £30,490 a year,
while their married counterparts earn
£46,153. With all these practicalities
in play, has Gottlieb at least touched
on something?
ARE WE A LITTLE
DEMANDING…?
Suzie Hayman from Relate, the UK’s
largest provider of relationship support
which helps 150,000 people to resolve
their issues every year, doesn’t quite
agree with Gottlieb. “I loathe the word
‘settling’,” she says. “It has such
negative connotations. It’s a word that
implies that you don’t think you’re
worthwhile enough to get what you
really want. What I am a fan of though
is thinking in terms of someone being
‘good enough’ and becoming more
realistic in your expectations. That
increasing desire to be perfect, and
to have the perfect partner is
unattainable and can only lead
to unhappiness.”
The majority of women are quick
to agree they can be picky; as a
generation we’ve become far fussier.
In analyses of personal ads, 80%
of women stated they wanted to meet
a man who is 6ft or taller, with two
studies finding that taller-than-average
men tend to have a higher number of
live-in girlfriends and children.
Scientific studies of mate
preferences reveal that women
desire strong, athletic men (we prefer
a V-shaped torso) with square-jawed
masculine faces and deep voices.
This last fact was discovered when
anthropologist David Puts got 142
women to listen to voice recordings
of 30 men and got them to rate
each man’s attractiveness.
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