SIXTY
SECOND
THERAPIST
STYLIST ’S�LIFE�COACH��
LISA�MERRICK-LAWLESS��
SCRUTINISES�
ONE�CELEBRITY�
PSYCHE�
Bonnie Greer
on the couch
Bonnie Greer, 61, the American-born
playwright and critic talks to Stylist
about female friends, politics and
making marriage work
You famously appeared on Question
Time with Nick Griffin from the BNP,
in October last year. How was that?
I met him in the corridor before the
show. We didn’t speak, he extended
his hand to me to help me upstairs
but I didn’t need help and it wouldn’t
have been me. Then they sat me
downstage next to Nick, so I had to look
him in the eye when I turned to the
panel. I didn’t want to connect with him
in that way and I didn’t want the viewers
to think that I had any kind of empathy
for him. I still think it was important for
the nation to see Nick Griffin on TV.
I think people were scared he might say
something they agreed with.
What’s the best advice you have
ever been given?
When I was 22 in New York a female
friend and I were crossing the street
They help me focus
on my goals in life
I want to be more
like them
They motivate me and
give me something
to aspire to
I always listen to
their advice
TOTAL
����WWW�STYLIST�CO�UK
at the same time as an amazingly
good-looking man. She turned to me
and said, “Whenever I see a guy like
that, I think about the qualities I like in
him and take them into myself.” What
she was saying is, “Don’t look to another
person to give you what you’re looking
for. Take it from you.” That’s the kind of
stuff that women can teach each other.
How important is female friendship?
As I got older I had a real shock. One
day I realised that men hadn’t been
talking to me because they thought
How healthy are your friendships?
Think about your friends, then mark them on a scale where 0 = none
of my friends are like this, to 5 = all of my friends are like this.
GROUP�A
GROUP�B
They make me feel
better about myself
I could easily spend
the whole day in
their company
They totally
understand me
They are reliable and
honest, I can trust them
They break promises
regularly
They often betray
my trust
They are self-absorbed
and mainly think about
themselves
When I'm around them
I feel more negative
TOTAL TOTAL
I was a wonderful person, or because of
the scintillating conversation. They’re
not programmed that way. That’s why
female friendship is so important. My
friendships give me a connection to my
own life by putting it in perspective.
Who are your closest friends?
Well, conversely I don’t have many.
I’ve always been a very solitary person.
Most of my female friends are 30 years
younger than me, they’re people I’ve
worked with in the theatre or met
along the way. I’ve had to learn not to
GROUP�C
BONNIE GREER, 61, SAYS
SHE HAS LEARNT TO
CHERISH HER DIFFERENCES
seem patronising. I don’t have kids so
I think those friendships help me grow.
You’ve been with your husband, David
Hutchins, a lawyer, for 30 years,
what’s the secret to your longevity?
He’s a British, middle-class, publicschool
boy who likes kippers and is
still in contact with boys he went to
school with when he was seven years
old. We’re very different. But I married
him because he was my best friend.
I wake up sometimes now and it
surprises me how much I feel for him.
The other day I got chatting to a
woman who asked how she could make
her relationship last as long. I said, “Do
you like him?” She didn’t get it. She
loved him, she said. “Yes, but do you
like him?” If you can’t answer that
question you can’t get married.
Do you ever doubt yourself?
I doubted myself from the minute
I got off the plane in England 25 years
ago. I spoke American, not English.
It was terrifying. I couldn’t speak in
my own voice without pointing to my
foreignness and I didn’t want to be
foreign. I just wanted to fit in. That
feeling went away gradually but it still
comes back; when I first sat on the
board for the British Museum I looked
around me and was very aware of all
the ways in which I was different. Now
I cherish my accent. It distinguishes me
in a good way and it’s part of who I am.
Bonnie Greer is fronting the Equalities
Office Public Appointments Campaign;
direct.gov.uk/publicappointments
For a personal
consultation with
Stylist therapist,
Lisa Merrick-
Lawless visit
thehead
space.co.uk
ADD�UP�THE�SCORES�FOR�EACH�GROUP�AND��
FOR�WHICHEVER�ONE�GETS�THE�HIGHEST�
MARK��READ�THE�CORRESPONDING�RESULTS
You scored highest in Group A Your friends act
as role models for you, they help you to focus on
what you want in life and also provide you with
inspiration, advice and motivation to be better.
You scored highest in Group B These are solid
friends, they know you well and you feel good
in their company. They are a positive influence,
honest and giving, they put your needs first.
You scored highest in Group C These types of
friends are toxic and should be avoided. You need
to think about why you are attracting such negative
people and concentrate on valuing yourself more.
WORDS��LISA�MERRICK-LAWLESS���PHOTOGRAPHY��REX�FEATURES
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